My Brain, My Nervous System, and My Freedom

I’ve Always Been Me

There are a few things I know for sure about myself now that I didn’t know when I was younger.

One, I’ve always had my own path.
Two, I’ve always been creative.
Three, my nervous system tells the truth before I can always find the words for it.

When I was younger and didn’t know myself, I used to follow trends. Honestly, we all have at some point in our lives, whether we want to admit it or not. Kanye said it first: “We’re all self-conscious. I’m just the first to admit it.”

As I grew up and got to know myself, I realized, girl, you’ve been that girl all along. You’ve always been the one to follow your own path and do your own thing. You just weren’t always in spaces that made room for you to be yourself, and it showed, because I suppressed who I knew I could be. Hard love and mean girls will do that to you when you’re young, especially if you don’t have older women in your life teaching you how to be a friend to yourself first or how to love yourself first. No disrespect to my mom or my granny. I love them in the ways I’ve learned to, especially after understanding more of their life history.

God has truly allowed me to follow my own path, and when I found myself, it felt like my nervous system got freed too. Now that I know myself, I like what I like. It doesn’t have to be loud, overhyped, or everybody’s favorite for it to be good to me.

Quiet Isn’t Ingratitude. It’s Regulation.

I’m learning that I’m not someone who wants to isolate because I’m ungrateful for my life. I’m not someone who wants to pull away because something is wrong with me. I’m someone whose nervous system needs quiet. I need low sensory moments. I need space. I need softness. I need music. I need stillness. I need a shower and some peace before my thoughts can line up and introduce themselves properly.

As a counseling director in education, surrounded by a lot of personalities, people, and energies, and as a therapist who is deeply in love with the work, this requires another level of lock-in and attention to detail with my words. That’s exactly why I need those low sensory moments. They help me come back to myself so I can pour out with intention, care, and clarity, and when I reset, I can show up fully for the ones I love.

That matters.

ADHD, Hyperfocus, and the Need to Reset

One thing I’ve learned about ADHD is that a nervous system reset isn’t optional for me. It’s critical. It’s how I come back to myself. It’s not TV. It’s not extra noise. It’s not more stimulation piled on top of what I’m already carrying. It’s usually a period of doing nothing. Literally nothing. Just letting my body and mind come back home to each other.

That was comforting for me because it helped me realize that God didn’t bless me with this beautiful life and this beautiful family just for me to want to isolate all the time. It made me stop asking, what is wrong with me? Does He think I’m not grateful?

No. My nervous system just gets overloaded, and I need a reset.

Once I started learning more about ADHD, especially adult ADHD, it made some things make sense. ADHD is an executive functioning disorder, but for me it also shows up in this very specific way. My hyperfocus lives in creativeness. If I have an idea, if I’m helping someone open up their mind, if something clicks in me creatively, I’m gone. I’m all in.

That’s how my creative hyperfocus works. I can get a dopamine spark so strong that I’ll forget what I was doing while I’m still doing it. Right before writing this blog post, I was in the shower brain-dumping what felt like million-dollar thoughts into my notes app and completely forgot I still had conditioner in my hair. Then I dried off with my crispy, dry towel, realized my hair still needed to be rinsed, and had to get back in the shower. The worst part was knowing my towel was already damp from the first dry-off, because damp towels on my skin give me the ick. I don’t know if that’s an ADHD thing or just a me thing, but ew.

That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about.

Where My Ideas Actually Come From

I also realized something else. Shower thoughts are not a joke for me. They’re real. Right when I get out of the shower, my ideas disappear. It’s the craziest thing. I really believe I’ve had some million-dollar ideas in the shower, and then the second I get out, they’re gone. The music stops, I step into the next thing, and my mind just closes the tab.

That’s why I have to write it down right then and there. My mind moves too fast, and if I don’t catch it in the moment, it’s gone.

What I’ve realized is that I’m a low sensory person. I don’t know if that’s the perfect term, but it fits. I like brown noise. I like neo soul. Music and my heart are just a perfect marriage. Add a long warm shower, with the water hitting my skin in that soft, soothing way, and my nervous system settles.

That’s where the ideas come.
That’s where the clarity comes.
That’s where I come back to myself.

Writing Is Where I’m Free

I think part of what I’m finally learning is that I don’t need to force myself into being the loudest, most visible, most always-on version of myself. That’s not where I do my best thinking. That’s not where I hear myself clearly. The world is too loud for me.

My nervous system is at complete ease when I freely write. Writing is therapy for me. I’m free in my thoughts when I write.

My Instagram name is free.dom.

Freedom, but also Dom is free.

It’s layered, just like me. It’s not just about being free in life. It’s about being free in my mind, free in my expression, free in my thoughts without shrinking them to make other people comfortable.

Those who get it, get it.

I’m Listening Differently Now

I’ve contemplated blogging for years. I stopped and started because I believed people don’t read. Now I understand something different. All it takes is one. One person to feel seen. One person to feel understood. One person to breathe easier.

That’s enough for me.

There are ideas I had years ago that I didn’t have the maturity to carry then. Now I’m in a different place. I’ve done the work. I’m learning God for myself.

I’m in a different place now, so when ideas come to me, I pay attention. When that voice in my head starts speaking, I listen differently now. The voice in my head is God (Two Chainz), and obedience hits different when you know that for real.

Even this writing feels different.

What a Reset Day Looks Like for Me

Today was one of those reset days. I got up slowly. I took a friend to run an errand, came back home, and relaxed the rest of the day. I checked in with my mom, my dad, my granny, my sister, my husband, and my daughter. I sent my son encouragement for finally starting to believe in the ability God gave him, on the court and in life. He’s awesome, and I know God is going to take my kids far. I believe in them.

I drank my rose-flavored Poppi, drank some water, and took my probiotic. I listened to music for hours, even songs on repeat, and it felt so soothing. I laid across the bed doing nothing. No sound. No pressure. Then I got in the shower for a long time, letting the water hit me, listening to music, and that’s where the ideas came.

Later, I cooked. I made ground beef, potatoes, bell peppers, and used one of those Trader Joe’s sauces. I ate a mixed salad with Brussels sprouts, bean sprouts, kale, basically a Cava-style super greens mix. Then I did my skincare routine.

To somebody else that might sound simple.

To me, that was care.
That was regulation.
That was me living the hope I try to give other people.

Music is one of my biggest regulators. If they took music away, I really don’t know what I would do.

I’m Not Scattered. I’m Layered.

So no, I’m not scattered. I’m layered.
No, I’m not doing nothing. I’m resetting.
No, I’m not too much. I’m just finally honest.

This blog, this writing, this mental mixtape, is me choosing to leave the world with an honest piece of me. It’s me choosing freedom.

They still matter.
I still matter.

This time, I’m not trying to write like anybody else.

I’m writing like me.

If you followed everything I just said in this post, you either have ADHD or you love somebody who does.